you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
