WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
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