Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
