In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
