if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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