I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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