There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
