I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
