Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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