My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
