So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
