is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
