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I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
