Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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