She said her name was "party"
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
