I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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