Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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