Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
