so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I deserve this hangover.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
