I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
