You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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