i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
