amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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