my sisters under your porch take her home
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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