ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
