Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
