Sry I called you an 8
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
