That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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