we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
How does it feel to date your dad?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
