lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
