i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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