My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
