Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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