he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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