what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
