i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You need a sexual gate keeper
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
