I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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