I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
