Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
