so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
