please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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