I accidentally burped into my bong.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
