I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
