i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
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