I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Your cock deserves a montage
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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