So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
