1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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