Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
