pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
