College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
