dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
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