New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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