Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
