I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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